I have dealt with alot in my (nearly) 37 years of life. As I have allowed God work in my life, really trusted him with my pain, I have seen miracles. I have been delivered. I have been freed from bondage.
What I had to do was write down a list of people who hurt me, wounded me, used me, abused me or abandoned me in any way. At first I had to start with a small list. The things I thought I could handle. As I wrote the names down, I prayed for that person and then I said outloud. I FORGIVE YOU. Sometimes I had to say, By the Grace of God, I forgive you. Others were easier. I would do this once a week. I'd have a list fo 3-4 people and I would pray for them that week and pray for the stregnth and courage to forgive. I have had to work on an attitude of forgiveness. Just this week I was faced with a serious offense. I had to decide to forgive. I had to decide I wanted that person to hear God say, "....this is what you did to shelly, and she chose to forgive you almost instantly..." I want my reward to be in Heaven.
Forgiveness is really a choice. Holding onto the past is really a choice. A choice that causes one to be bitter, jealous, harsh, resentful and unforgiving. Its like taking poison hoping it will kill your enemy. It never works. Forgiveness is more about you and your reward in heaven, than it is about the other person.
A bigger thing for me was to forgive God. Not that He needs it or that it is even mine to give to God....but I knew I harbored so much resentment....so many questions....if you are really God then THIS or THAT...But as the years went on that I had to see that was me telling Christ...if you are really the Son of God, get down from the cross. Who am I to do that? Jesus stayed on the cross FOR ME. In that while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me. Said forgive Shelly, for she knows not what she does.
I had to get out of an attitude that I had to make people pay for what they had done to me. That I didn't see God doing anything, so far He hadn't struck anyone down with lightening....WHERE WAS GOD? WHERE? Why hadn't He come to my rescue? What kind of God would let me be treated like this, over and over and over..... I can tell you this...What Satan intended to for evil, God has turned it into good, in my life.
I had an opportunity to be pressed the other day, to have another rough spot buffed out....it was unpleasant. It was just another feable attempt by the enemy to try to make me tell him who I am....define my worth..... I'll tell you one thing, the DEVIL IS A LIAR! God doesn't consult my past to determine my future! Satan can only back me up to my last experience with God...The more often the experience, the less I go one step forward, two steps back.
Who Am I? He says??? I AM A CHILD OF GOD! Creator, Maker, Life-Sustainer, Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer, Lord and King, Beginning And The End.....I AM THAT I AM. Maybe satan is familiar with Him...but that's a sermon for another day... :)
I heard Joyce Myer say a few weeks ago...Nothing is trusting God more than going thru something that you could change, but knowing it is Gods will for you to be uncomfortable. Let God work in your life.
He is trustworthy, He is faithful, He is able, your issues are not too big for Him, He'll meet you where you are, but you have to ask Him to come to you....Not tell Him what you want and what you want Him to do, he's not a menu....allow His will to be done in your life. You will receive, healing, freedom, recovery, restoration, rest...
